Over the past three nights, History aired its original miniseries "Hatfields & McCoys," retelling the story of a feud that escalated between two families in post-Civil War Appalachia. It stars Kevin Costner as "Devil Anse" Hatfield and Bill Paxton as Randall McCoy (Randolph McCoy in real life), the patriarchs of their respective families, as well as Tom Berenger, Jena Malone, Mare Winningham, Matt Barr, Powers Booth, Lindsay Pulsipher, Andrew Howard, Boyd Holbrook, and Ronan Vibert.
Something of note; the miniseries reunites Costner with director Kevin Reynolds, who he worked with on "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" and "Waterworld," during the production of which the two had a feud of their own that resulted in Reynolds abandoning the project and not speaking to Costner for years after. Reynolds' direction is not unlike much of his previous work on period pieces such as "Prince of Thieves" and 2002's "The Count of Monte Christo." Extended scenes, often involving revealing diagalogue between two characters, are interspersed with suspenseful action sequences and brief snippets, which last no longer than necessary, that explain something pertenant to the plot or provide historical insight about the setting.
If contrived drama, gimmicky cliffhangers and suckerpunch plot twists are what you seek, prepare for disappointment. Writers Tedd Mann, Bill Kerby and Ronald Parker pull no punches in staying true to the sequence of historical events surrounding and pertaining to the feud and the fates of each of those involved in it. Mann, Kerby and Parker only embellish where stories may conflict or facts are unclear, perhaps erring on the side of intrigue rather than probability, but then again fact is often more interesting than fiction, so any exaggeration or speculation on their part may be justified. There are also some added details carefully inserted to enhance the visibility of themes without distorting the overall story or making it unbelievable. The dialogue, while rich in weighty statements of both hateful foolishness and wisdom and accented with memorably humorous and bad-ass one-liners, also attempts to reflect the period in which the series is set. Imperfect grammar and outdated phrases convey the worldviews of the time and place, making the story all the more convincing.
While the burning hatred between Anse and Randall is believably reaffirmed, their family members stoke the embers with their own disputes amongst each other and the patriarchs themselves. Anse's uncle, Jim Vance (Berenger), kills Randall's brother, Asa, over a drunken insult. Asa's daughter, Nancy (Malone, whom I never imagined playing a femme fatale), devotes her life to getting revenge on Vance and the Hatfields by any means necessary. Randall's snaky cousin, attorney Perry Cline (Vibert), tries to swindle Anse's land and timber rights (the source of his wealth), but rather than legally suing him with damning evidence, Anse coerces Cline into signing over his own land to spare his reputation. These actions are only the beginning of the deceit and malice wrought by these semi-vice characters. All three actors portray these saboteurs quite impressively, and enough so that the audience despises them and anticipates their demise. (Spoiler: We only get the satisfaction of one of their deaths on screen.)
As stated before, others outside of the two families enter into the fray, most notably "Bad" Frank Phillips (Howard, who gives a terrifically menacing performance). A ruthless gunman, Frank uses the feud to profit both financially, from the bounties on the Hatfields offered by the McCoys, and professionally, to elevate himself to the position of sheriff. Although well-portrayed, the character is somewhat one-sidedly bad, as are Malone's Nancy McCoy, and Vibert's Perry Cline. Nancy's motives are given enough explanation to make her believable as an historical person, while Frank and Perry come off as ficticious creations. Don't get me wrong, I love a good villain, but if I'm to praise historical accuracy, I have to question the place of black-as-night villains in a portrayal of history.
Despite the actions of Frank Phillips, Jim Vance, Nancy McCoy and Perry Cline, who all seem to form their identities around the feud, it is ultimately the attitudes about justice of Anse and Randall, along with their authoritative decisions as patriarchs of their families, that steers the direction of the conflict throughout the story. Anse's approach to seeking justice by his own means rather than legally, despite his brother, Wall Hatfield (Booth), being a judge contrasts with Randall's trust in human institutions of law and faith that God will deliver him from his enemies as long as he upholds a higher standard of morality than the Hatfields. And while both Anse and Randall both believe that they are simply making things "even" with each act of retribution toward one another, it is ultimately the eventual intercession of institutional justice and divine providence that bring the bloodbath to an end.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Are You Afraid of the Dark? - Retrospective Review - Season 3
Season 3, while a distant second to Season 1 in quality, is the most consistent season of AYAOTD. The beginning of the season introduces Tucker as a new member of the Midnight Society after the departure of David. Tucker would be the only member to return in Seasons 6 and 7, and is surprisingly one of the best story tellers of the group. Season 3 also contains many of the series' more notable guest stars.
27. "The Midnight Ride" *** - A teen moves to the famous town of Sleepy Hollow and as part of a dare, and to impress a girl, he heads into the woods on Halloween to retrieve the pumpkin head of the Headless Horseman and encounters the ghost of Ichabod Crane and the Horseman himself.
28. "Apartment 214" ** - A girl and her mother move into an apartment next door to a lonely old woman. Once the girl begins making friends her own age, she breaks a promise that she made to the old woman and holy shit, watch the fuck out ...
29. "Watcher's Woods" *** - Two girls who disdain each other are paired up as hiking partners at summer camp, get lost in the woods and encounter three witches.
30. "The Phone Police" ***** - Two friends with no lives spend all their time making prank calls, and one of their sisters invents a story about the Phone Police who find prank callers and make them disappear forever. In disbelief, the boys continue in their sin only to find out the Phone Police do exist. This episode may get lost in translation with today's generation of kids, as making anonymous phone calls is nigh impossible these days. Legend has it that Weird Al Yankovic's "Phony Calls," a parody of TLC's "Waterfalls," was inspired by this episode.
31. "The Dollmaker" *** - A girl discovers that her friend who disappeared may be trapped inside of a dollhouse.
32. "The Bookish Babysitter" **** - Ricky is a couch potato whose single mother must go out for the evening, probably to turn tricks on the avenue, and leaves him with an eccentric (and strangely attractive) babysitter who insists that she can get Ricky to read a book. Ricky's ADD handicap prevents him from finishing any of the books he begins, but little does he know that by leaving the stories unfinished he's opened up the worlds of the books and a witch, ghost and armored knight puruse and try to kill him.
33. "The Carved Stone" *** - A girl desperate for friends purchases a stone from Sardo's magic shop and travels back in time.
34. "The Guardian's Curse" *** - A sister and brother (played by Danny Cooksey from "Salute Your Shorts" ) are the children of a single father trying to balance work and raising a family. When their father, an historian at a museum, finally finds time to take them skiing, the sarcophagus of a legendary Egyptian queen is brought into the museum, further postponing their vacation and putting them in the way of an ancient curse ...
35. "The Curious Camera" **** - Eddie Kaye Thomas (who would later become most famous for fucking Stiffler's mom) stars as a geeky high schooler who is given a cursed camera by a jaded photographer. The curious thing about this camera is that doom comes to anyone it takes a picture of.
36. "The Dream Girl" **** - A young man who works at a bowling alley with his sister discovers a school ring and begins having dreams about a beautiful girl only to find out the girl of his dreams is actually a ghost. While the twist in this one becomes pretty obvious about halfway through, the acting, especially at the end, is phenomenal. How this episode didn't get an Emmy is beyond me. Not gonna lie, this one actually made me cry.
37. "The Quicksilver" **** - Two brothers move into a house haunted by two ghosts; one a restless evil spirit; the other that of a girl who died trying to get rid of the evil spirit. Tatyana Ali (Ashley Banks from "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air") plays both the benevolent ghost and her living sister.
38. "The Crimson Clown" **** - An older brother threatens his manipulative younger brother with a story about a clown that reaps karma on those who do wrong. While only a story to the older brother, the younger brother encounters a nightmarish experience. Like "Tale of Laughing in the Dark," this one is not for coulrophobics.
39. "The Dangerous Soup" **** - A hardened teen and a restaurant hostess (played by Neve Campbell) discover the sinister secret of head chef Dr. Vink's addictive and expensive soup.
27. "The Midnight Ride" *** - A teen moves to the famous town of Sleepy Hollow and as part of a dare, and to impress a girl, he heads into the woods on Halloween to retrieve the pumpkin head of the Headless Horseman and encounters the ghost of Ichabod Crane and the Horseman himself.
28. "Apartment 214" ** - A girl and her mother move into an apartment next door to a lonely old woman. Once the girl begins making friends her own age, she breaks a promise that she made to the old woman and holy shit, watch the fuck out ...
29. "Watcher's Woods" *** - Two girls who disdain each other are paired up as hiking partners at summer camp, get lost in the woods and encounter three witches.
30. "The Phone Police" ***** - Two friends with no lives spend all their time making prank calls, and one of their sisters invents a story about the Phone Police who find prank callers and make them disappear forever. In disbelief, the boys continue in their sin only to find out the Phone Police do exist. This episode may get lost in translation with today's generation of kids, as making anonymous phone calls is nigh impossible these days. Legend has it that Weird Al Yankovic's "Phony Calls," a parody of TLC's "Waterfalls," was inspired by this episode.
31. "The Dollmaker" *** - A girl discovers that her friend who disappeared may be trapped inside of a dollhouse.
32. "The Bookish Babysitter" **** - Ricky is a couch potato whose single mother must go out for the evening, probably to turn tricks on the avenue, and leaves him with an eccentric (and strangely attractive) babysitter who insists that she can get Ricky to read a book. Ricky's ADD handicap prevents him from finishing any of the books he begins, but little does he know that by leaving the stories unfinished he's opened up the worlds of the books and a witch, ghost and armored knight puruse and try to kill him.
33. "The Carved Stone" *** - A girl desperate for friends purchases a stone from Sardo's magic shop and travels back in time.
34. "The Guardian's Curse" *** - A sister and brother (played by Danny Cooksey from "Salute Your Shorts" ) are the children of a single father trying to balance work and raising a family. When their father, an historian at a museum, finally finds time to take them skiing, the sarcophagus of a legendary Egyptian queen is brought into the museum, further postponing their vacation and putting them in the way of an ancient curse ...
35. "The Curious Camera" **** - Eddie Kaye Thomas (who would later become most famous for fucking Stiffler's mom) stars as a geeky high schooler who is given a cursed camera by a jaded photographer. The curious thing about this camera is that doom comes to anyone it takes a picture of.
36. "The Dream Girl" **** - A young man who works at a bowling alley with his sister discovers a school ring and begins having dreams about a beautiful girl only to find out the girl of his dreams is actually a ghost. While the twist in this one becomes pretty obvious about halfway through, the acting, especially at the end, is phenomenal. How this episode didn't get an Emmy is beyond me. Not gonna lie, this one actually made me cry.
37. "The Quicksilver" **** - Two brothers move into a house haunted by two ghosts; one a restless evil spirit; the other that of a girl who died trying to get rid of the evil spirit. Tatyana Ali (Ashley Banks from "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air") plays both the benevolent ghost and her living sister.
38. "The Crimson Clown" **** - An older brother threatens his manipulative younger brother with a story about a clown that reaps karma on those who do wrong. While only a story to the older brother, the younger brother encounters a nightmarish experience. Like "Tale of Laughing in the Dark," this one is not for coulrophobics.
39. "The Dangerous Soup" **** - A hardened teen and a restaurant hostess (played by Neve Campbell) discover the sinister secret of head chef Dr. Vink's addictive and expensive soup.
Are You Afraid of the Dark? - Retrospective Review - Season 2
Of the first five seasons, Season 2 is the most disappointing overall. That's not to say it doesn't contain good episodes, but most of the episodes lack the daringness many in Season 1 had. Many of Season 2's episodes have a happy ending that comes too easily, whereas the best episodes end with a hint that whatever "evil" still lurks. The season begins well, takes the series to many of its lowest points, and finally recovers in the final episode.
14. "The Final Wish" *** - A thirteen-year-old girl, who finds it hard to let go of the fairy tales from her childhood, encounters the Sandman (played by Bobcat Goldthwait) and is granted her wish for a fairy tale life away from her family that tries daily to force her to grow up. Of course all wishes come with a price ...
15. "The Midnight Madness" **** - A teenage boy and girl work at a failing one-screen movie theater, but the theater gets a chance to stay in business when Dr. Vink (this time a retired filmmaker) insists that the theater show his old films instead of contemporary blockbusters. However, the teens take objection to Dr. Vink's business model when Nosferatu crosses over from the big screen into the real world ...
16. "Locker 22" * - The new girl at a high school is given the locker of a girl who died in an accident at the school in the 1960s. She soon discovers that her locker is a door back into the 1960s and becomes surrounded by hippies and a younger version of the school's principal.
17. "The Thirteenth Floor" ***** - A brother and sister use the thirteenth floor of their urban apartment building as a playground until a mysterious trio in unisex jumpsuits rents out the floor and entices the children to enter their newly built laboratory by promising them free toys.
The campy, surreal set designs, the mysterious trio and the truly horrifying ending make this one not only the best episode of the worst season, but one of the best of the series.
18. "The Dream Machine" ** - A young creative writer discovers a typewriter that causes whatever he writes with it to come true.
19. "The Dark Dragon" ** - Basically a reworking of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." A geeky teen with braces on his legs buys an elixir from recurring shop owner Sardo in hopes of getting a date with a popular girl. He explains the mysterious transformation into a James Dean-esque hunk by claiming to be his cousin rather than himself. However, when not taking the elixir, the "dark dragon" within him begins to reveal itself outwardly.
20. "The Frozen Ghost" * - Melissa Joan Hart of "Clarissa Explains It All" stars as a babysitter who, along with the boy in her care, encounters the ghost of a boy who froze to death trying to steal cookies from the cookie jar. This is not only the worst episode of the season, but the worst episode of the entire series. As a matter of fact, I didn't even re-watch it because I remembered how bad I thought it was as an eight or nine-year-old who lived to watch AYAOTD.
21. "The Whispering Walls" * - A babysistter and her care are returning from a trip to an amusement park when the car breaks down in front of the home of an evil villain trying to steal their souls. A lot of mystery leading to a disappointing resolution.
22. "The Full Moon" **** - Two pre-teen pet detectives become suspicious that their new neighbor is a werewolf. Things are further complicated when one of their mothers begins dating the new neighbor. This episode is full of homages to the 1987 vampire hit The Lost Boys and the films of John Waters.
23. "The Shiny Red Bicycle" ** - A teen is haunted by the memory of his best friend who died when he failed to save him from falling into a raging river. But when the friend's ghost begins appearing, the teen has trouble convincing his callous parents that the apparitions are real. This one had potential, but the cheesy acting and cliche resolution kept it from reaching that potential.
24. "The Magician's Assistant" ** - A boy living with his widowed mother takes on a job as ... you guessed it ... a magician's assistant. Things go awry when he steals Shandoo's wand and uses it ...
25. "The Hatching" *** - A brother and sister are left at a strict boarding school by their busy traveling parents and discover that the school's headmaster and headmistress are reptilian humanoids enslaving the students into caring for their eggs and intend to use them as food for their young once the eggs hatch.
26. "Old Man Corcoran" **** - Two African-American brothers (literal brothers) move out of a rough area into a quiet suburban neighborhood. However, many of the neighborhood kids are reluctant to accept them. The kids give them an ultimatum to be accepted: they must play a game of hide-and-seek in the graveyard haunted by Old Man Corcoran ...
What makes this episode stand out to me is the social commentary about racism. While the issue is not explicitly dealt with, all but one of the neighborhood kids (who are white) continually tell the two black boys that they don't want them around. I could write an entire essay about the racial undertones of this episode, and I may do so someday.
14. "The Final Wish" *** - A thirteen-year-old girl, who finds it hard to let go of the fairy tales from her childhood, encounters the Sandman (played by Bobcat Goldthwait) and is granted her wish for a fairy tale life away from her family that tries daily to force her to grow up. Of course all wishes come with a price ...
15. "The Midnight Madness" **** - A teenage boy and girl work at a failing one-screen movie theater, but the theater gets a chance to stay in business when Dr. Vink (this time a retired filmmaker) insists that the theater show his old films instead of contemporary blockbusters. However, the teens take objection to Dr. Vink's business model when Nosferatu crosses over from the big screen into the real world ...
16. "Locker 22" * - The new girl at a high school is given the locker of a girl who died in an accident at the school in the 1960s. She soon discovers that her locker is a door back into the 1960s and becomes surrounded by hippies and a younger version of the school's principal.
17. "The Thirteenth Floor" ***** - A brother and sister use the thirteenth floor of their urban apartment building as a playground until a mysterious trio in unisex jumpsuits rents out the floor and entices the children to enter their newly built laboratory by promising them free toys.
The campy, surreal set designs, the mysterious trio and the truly horrifying ending make this one not only the best episode of the worst season, but one of the best of the series.
18. "The Dream Machine" ** - A young creative writer discovers a typewriter that causes whatever he writes with it to come true.
19. "The Dark Dragon" ** - Basically a reworking of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." A geeky teen with braces on his legs buys an elixir from recurring shop owner Sardo in hopes of getting a date with a popular girl. He explains the mysterious transformation into a James Dean-esque hunk by claiming to be his cousin rather than himself. However, when not taking the elixir, the "dark dragon" within him begins to reveal itself outwardly.
20. "The Frozen Ghost" * - Melissa Joan Hart of "Clarissa Explains It All" stars as a babysitter who, along with the boy in her care, encounters the ghost of a boy who froze to death trying to steal cookies from the cookie jar. This is not only the worst episode of the season, but the worst episode of the entire series. As a matter of fact, I didn't even re-watch it because I remembered how bad I thought it was as an eight or nine-year-old who lived to watch AYAOTD.
21. "The Whispering Walls" * - A babysistter and her care are returning from a trip to an amusement park when the car breaks down in front of the home of an evil villain trying to steal their souls. A lot of mystery leading to a disappointing resolution.
22. "The Full Moon" **** - Two pre-teen pet detectives become suspicious that their new neighbor is a werewolf. Things are further complicated when one of their mothers begins dating the new neighbor. This episode is full of homages to the 1987 vampire hit The Lost Boys and the films of John Waters.
23. "The Shiny Red Bicycle" ** - A teen is haunted by the memory of his best friend who died when he failed to save him from falling into a raging river. But when the friend's ghost begins appearing, the teen has trouble convincing his callous parents that the apparitions are real. This one had potential, but the cheesy acting and cliche resolution kept it from reaching that potential.
24. "The Magician's Assistant" ** - A boy living with his widowed mother takes on a job as ... you guessed it ... a magician's assistant. Things go awry when he steals Shandoo's wand and uses it ...
25. "The Hatching" *** - A brother and sister are left at a strict boarding school by their busy traveling parents and discover that the school's headmaster and headmistress are reptilian humanoids enslaving the students into caring for their eggs and intend to use them as food for their young once the eggs hatch.
26. "Old Man Corcoran" **** - Two African-American brothers (literal brothers) move out of a rough area into a quiet suburban neighborhood. However, many of the neighborhood kids are reluctant to accept them. The kids give them an ultimatum to be accepted: they must play a game of hide-and-seek in the graveyard haunted by Old Man Corcoran ...
What makes this episode stand out to me is the social commentary about racism. While the issue is not explicitly dealt with, all but one of the neighborhood kids (who are white) continually tell the two black boys that they don't want them around. I could write an entire essay about the racial undertones of this episode, and I may do so someday.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Are You Afraid of the Dark? - A Retrospective Review - Season 1
This is my first post in over a year. I've only recently had the luxuries of unlimited Internet access, the free time to watch/listen to/follow anything AND the time to write about it. Hopefully this will get me back into the habit of doing this on a regular basis.
As not to exhaust my deep appreciation for "The Adventures of Pete & Pete," which I own the first two seasons of on DVD, I decided to take another vessel to retreat to Nickelodeon's golden days of yore. Around the beginning of this past spring, I started watching (or re-watching) the episodes of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?," along with a few other "old school" Nick shows that some YouTubers had been generous enough to take time to upload onto the site. After re-watching a few episodes of each, "Salute Your Shorts," "Hey Dude" and "Clarissa Explains It All," for me, failed to live up to memory, save for a hint of nostalgia factor. AYAOTD, however, like "Pete & Pete," but to a slightly lesser extent, went above and beyond nostalgia.
Being an anthology series (as far as I know none of which exist since the end of "Masters of Horror"), each episode stands alone. However, I reviewed each season overall and rating of one to four stars, with exceptional episodes receiving five. Each episode's title begins "The Tale of ..." but to save myself from going nuts I'm just going to refer to each one by what comes after that phrase.
Season 1
I'm going to start by saying that Season 1 is doubtless the definitive season of AYAOTD. Not only does it lay the groundwork for the rest of the series (as any first season should), it contains many of the most memorable and genuinely frightening episodes. OK, so maybe not piss-your-pants scary, but disturbing nonetheless, especially if you keep in mind this show was produced with children as its intended audience. The first two episodes, "Tale of the Phantom Cab" and "Tale of Laughing in the Dark" set the tone of the series perfectly.
1. "The Phantom Cab" **** - Two brothers get lost in the woods and encoutner a mad scientist named Dr. Vink and a cabbie who's fixing to kill them by crashing his taxi into a tree. Dr. Vink appears in three future episodes.
2. "Laughing in the Dark" **** - A cocky lad steals the nose of Zeebo the clown on a dare while walking through a haunted funhouse at a theme park; Zeebo pursues.
3. "The Lonely Ghost" *** - A nerdy girl is forced to stay with her bitchy cousin for the summer. Bitchy cousin makes nerdy girl stay the night in a house haunted by ... you guessed it ... a lonely ghost.
4. "The Twisted Claw" **** - A retelling of W.W. Jacobs' "The Monkey's Paw." The neighborhood witch gives two mischievious friends a claw that grants their wishes, which come with unintended consequences ...
5. "The Hungry Hounds" * - A girl tries on jacket possessed by the spirit of her dead aunt compelled to feed the dogs so her soul can rest. Weak sauce. Absolute worst episode of the season.
6. "The Super Specs" ***** - A prankster buys a pair of glasses from Sardo (no Mr., accent on the "doh"), a flamboyant and eccentric shop owner. When worn the glasses reveal fucking creepy shadow figures living among us!
7. "The Captured Souls" *** - A girl and her parents rent out a vacation house full of mirrors from an awkward young man. The girl's idea of fun ivolves high-energy activities, but her parents have become inexplicably lethargic ...
8. "The Nightly Neighbors" *** - A brother and sister become convinced that their new Romanian neighbors are vampires. Bulk shipments of blood to their house and their son only coming out to play only at night fuel suspicions ...
9. "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" **** - A high school outcast steals an ancient relic brought in by a guest archeologist, uses it to summon a demonic entity (aptly named Goth) and starts a cult involving the school's faculty and students. The only person not taken in is the outcast's best friend.
10. "Jake and the Leprechaun" *** - Jake, a young thespian, becomes the subject of a veteran thespian's plot to transform him into a leprechaun via a magical herbal tea.
11. "The Dark Music" **** - A boy and his family move into a home they inherited from their wealthy, eccentric great-uncle. The boy is taunted daily by his manipulative younger sister, a neighborhood teen, and a mysterious entity that lurks in the basement whenever music is played.
12. "The Prom Queen" **** - A twist on the urban legend about the ghost of a girl hit by a car on a foggy night that haunts the highway. Three teens investigate their local version of the legend and attempt to summon the ghost.
13. "The Pinball Wizard" ** - Against the warnings of his employer, a teen working in a shop begins playing an old pinball machine and becomes trapped inside the world of the machine.
As not to exhaust my deep appreciation for "The Adventures of Pete & Pete," which I own the first two seasons of on DVD, I decided to take another vessel to retreat to Nickelodeon's golden days of yore. Around the beginning of this past spring, I started watching (or re-watching) the episodes of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?," along with a few other "old school" Nick shows that some YouTubers had been generous enough to take time to upload onto the site. After re-watching a few episodes of each, "Salute Your Shorts," "Hey Dude" and "Clarissa Explains It All," for me, failed to live up to memory, save for a hint of nostalgia factor. AYAOTD, however, like "Pete & Pete," but to a slightly lesser extent, went above and beyond nostalgia.
Being an anthology series (as far as I know none of which exist since the end of "Masters of Horror"), each episode stands alone. However, I reviewed each season overall and rating of one to four stars, with exceptional episodes receiving five. Each episode's title begins "The Tale of ..." but to save myself from going nuts I'm just going to refer to each one by what comes after that phrase.
Season 1
I'm going to start by saying that Season 1 is doubtless the definitive season of AYAOTD. Not only does it lay the groundwork for the rest of the series (as any first season should), it contains many of the most memorable and genuinely frightening episodes. OK, so maybe not piss-your-pants scary, but disturbing nonetheless, especially if you keep in mind this show was produced with children as its intended audience. The first two episodes, "Tale of the Phantom Cab" and "Tale of Laughing in the Dark" set the tone of the series perfectly.
1. "The Phantom Cab" **** - Two brothers get lost in the woods and encoutner a mad scientist named Dr. Vink and a cabbie who's fixing to kill them by crashing his taxi into a tree. Dr. Vink appears in three future episodes.
2. "Laughing in the Dark" **** - A cocky lad steals the nose of Zeebo the clown on a dare while walking through a haunted funhouse at a theme park; Zeebo pursues.
3. "The Lonely Ghost" *** - A nerdy girl is forced to stay with her bitchy cousin for the summer. Bitchy cousin makes nerdy girl stay the night in a house haunted by ... you guessed it ... a lonely ghost.
4. "The Twisted Claw" **** - A retelling of W.W. Jacobs' "The Monkey's Paw." The neighborhood witch gives two mischievious friends a claw that grants their wishes, which come with unintended consequences ...
5. "The Hungry Hounds" * - A girl tries on jacket possessed by the spirit of her dead aunt compelled to feed the dogs so her soul can rest. Weak sauce. Absolute worst episode of the season.
6. "The Super Specs" ***** - A prankster buys a pair of glasses from Sardo (no Mr., accent on the "doh"), a flamboyant and eccentric shop owner. When worn the glasses reveal fucking creepy shadow figures living among us!
7. "The Captured Souls" *** - A girl and her parents rent out a vacation house full of mirrors from an awkward young man. The girl's idea of fun ivolves high-energy activities, but her parents have become inexplicably lethargic ...
8. "The Nightly Neighbors" *** - A brother and sister become convinced that their new Romanian neighbors are vampires. Bulk shipments of blood to their house and their son only coming out to play only at night fuel suspicions ...
9. "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" **** - A high school outcast steals an ancient relic brought in by a guest archeologist, uses it to summon a demonic entity (aptly named Goth) and starts a cult involving the school's faculty and students. The only person not taken in is the outcast's best friend.
10. "Jake and the Leprechaun" *** - Jake, a young thespian, becomes the subject of a veteran thespian's plot to transform him into a leprechaun via a magical herbal tea.
11. "The Dark Music" **** - A boy and his family move into a home they inherited from their wealthy, eccentric great-uncle. The boy is taunted daily by his manipulative younger sister, a neighborhood teen, and a mysterious entity that lurks in the basement whenever music is played.
12. "The Prom Queen" **** - A twist on the urban legend about the ghost of a girl hit by a car on a foggy night that haunts the highway. Three teens investigate their local version of the legend and attempt to summon the ghost.
13. "The Pinball Wizard" ** - Against the warnings of his employer, a teen working in a shop begins playing an old pinball machine and becomes trapped inside the world of the machine.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The End of a Decade
Believe it or not, the end of this year will be the end of a decade known as the 2000s. Doesn't sound as catchy as the '70s, '80s or '90s, does it? While I realize that the millennium officially began in 2001, the decade that will be remembered as the 2000s, or the '00s, or ... whatever it ends up being called, began in 2000. 2010 will be the beginning of the 2010s, or the '10s or the twenty-teens ... or something.
Just like their name, the 2000s didn't seem to have much of an iconic ring either. There really were not many movies that defined them the same way that John Hughes' films captured the '80s, or that Richard Linklater's and Kevin Smith's films scream "'90s." Granted, Linklater's best movie (A Scanner Darkly) was made in 2006.
Musically, it's a slightly different story. With the advent of MP3's, downloading, file-sharing, MySpace and the death of the record store, bands have been able to go from local favorites to being nationally recognized thanks to these media that allow them to become more accessible to more people from farther away than venues in mid-sized cities. Due to this, independent music has almost become the mainstream in the 2000s. Any person's iPod or Zune playlist is different from the next person's. (In theory anyway.) And everyone has prided themselves on discovering new bands and sharing them with their friends.
The 2000s have showed us that there is a lot of good music out there and it's not being played on the radio or MTV. The M has been absent from MTV for sometime now. But everyone knows this.
Television has been a mixed bag of ups and downs. The major down being the contagion known as the reality show. Every major network has at least one and people are drawn like moths to fluorescent lamps to them. Most of these are mindless, tasteless, voyeuristic dramas. Not to mention, much of it is, to varying levels, scripted or plotted. Regardless of this tragic epidemic, a few great television shows have managed to dance their way around the demand for ratings and establish themselves as the shows people will remember when the 2000s are looked back upon as one more decade we lived through.
These and more I plan to write about in a series of blogs to commemorate and countdown to the end of the 2000's.
Just like their name, the 2000s didn't seem to have much of an iconic ring either. There really were not many movies that defined them the same way that John Hughes' films captured the '80s, or that Richard Linklater's and Kevin Smith's films scream "'90s." Granted, Linklater's best movie (A Scanner Darkly) was made in 2006.
Musically, it's a slightly different story. With the advent of MP3's, downloading, file-sharing, MySpace and the death of the record store, bands have been able to go from local favorites to being nationally recognized thanks to these media that allow them to become more accessible to more people from farther away than venues in mid-sized cities. Due to this, independent music has almost become the mainstream in the 2000s. Any person's iPod or Zune playlist is different from the next person's. (In theory anyway.) And everyone has prided themselves on discovering new bands and sharing them with their friends.
The 2000s have showed us that there is a lot of good music out there and it's not being played on the radio or MTV. The M has been absent from MTV for sometime now. But everyone knows this.
Television has been a mixed bag of ups and downs. The major down being the contagion known as the reality show. Every major network has at least one and people are drawn like moths to fluorescent lamps to them. Most of these are mindless, tasteless, voyeuristic dramas. Not to mention, much of it is, to varying levels, scripted or plotted. Regardless of this tragic epidemic, a few great television shows have managed to dance their way around the demand for ratings and establish themselves as the shows people will remember when the 2000s are looked back upon as one more decade we lived through.
These and more I plan to write about in a series of blogs to commemorate and countdown to the end of the 2000's.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
100 Greatest Hard Rock Albums
As I have noticed a pattern in VH1's "Greatest " series, beginning with the 100 Greatest Artists of Rock and Roll, followed by 100 Greatest Songs, then Hard Rock Artists, then Greatest Albums and most recently the 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs (a very questionable list full of poor taste), I wish to bet VH1 to the punch on making a list of the 100 Greatest Hard Rock Albums.
Defining "hard rock" is not too difficult of a task, as anything that's loud and hard and rock is hard rock.
Defining a good album is not as easy of a task and picking 100 out of several hundred that come to mind is very hard. I will try to make the list as diverse as possible by not allowing any seniority for any band or album to influence it's ranking and limit the number of albums per artist. Also, I will try to be as objective as possible and limit the influence of my personal taste. This means Metallica, Guns N Roses and Def Leppard will be on the list.
100. Gretchen Goes to Nebraska- King's X (1989)
99. Never Turn Your Back On A Friend - Budgie (1973)
98. Burn My Eyes - Machine Head (1994)
97. Bricks are Heavy - L7 (1993)
96. Stay Hungry - Twisted Sister (1984)
95. Operation: Mindcrime - Queensryche (1988)
94. Desolation Boulevard - Sweet (1971)
93. James Gang Rides Again - James Gang (1970)
92. Tyranny and Mutation - Blue Oyster Cult (1972)
91. Eliminator - Z.Z. Top (1983)
90. Album - Joan Jett (1983)
89. Vulgar Display of Power - Pantera (1992)
88. Love It To Death - Alice Cooper (1971)
87. Frances the Mute - The Mars Volta (2005)
86. Psalm 69 - Ministry (1992)
85. Cocked and Loaded - L.A. Guns (1989)
84. Cheap Thrills - Big Brother and the Holding Company (1968)
83. Aenima - Tool (1996)
82. Suzi Quatro - Suzi Quatro (1973)
81. Lullabies to Paralyze - Queens of the Stone Age (2005)
80. Strange Days - The Doors (1967)
79. Atomizer - Big Black (1986)
78. High Voltage - AC/DC (1976)
77. Master of Reality - Black Sabbath (1972)
76. Houdini - The Melvins (1993)
75. Balls to the Wall - Accept (1986)
74. Pretty Hate Machine - Nine Inch Nails (1989)
73. Slippery When Wet - Bon Jovi (1986)
72. Vitalogy - Pearl Jam (1994)
71. Antichrist Superstar - Marilyn Manson (1995)
70. Hysteria - Def Leppard (1987)
69. They Only Come Out at Night - Edgar Winter Group (1972)
68. All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople (1972)
67. Whitesnake - Whitesnake (1987)
66. Fun House - The Stooges (1970)
65. Destroyer - Kiss (1976)
64. Blood Sugar Sex Magik - Red Hot Chili Peppers (1991)
63. Rust in Peace - Megadeth (1992)
62. Among the Living- Anthrax (1987)
61. Heaven and Hell - Black Sabbath (1981)
60. 1984 - Van Halen (1984)
59. Pearl - Janis Joplin (1970)
58. Bat Out of Hell - Meat Loaf (1977)
57. Diary of a Madman - Ozzy Osbourne (1981)
56. Demons and Wizards - Uriah Heep (1972)
55. Reign in Blood - Slayer (1986)
54. In Utero - Nirvana (1993)
53. Jailbreak - Thin Lizzy (1976)
52. Dookie - Green Day (1994)
51. Sheer Heart Attack - Queen (1974)
50. Bad Co. - Bad Company (1975)
49. Secret Treaties - Blue Oyster Cult (1974)
48. Spiderland - Slint (1991)
47. Day Dream Nation - Sonic Youth (1988)
46. Piper at the Gates of Dawn - Pink Floyd (1967)
45. Kill 'em All - Metallica (1983)
44. Dirt - Alice in Chains (1992)
43. Dr. Feelgood - Motley Crue (1989)
42. Elephant - The White Stripes (2004)
41. Dreamboat Annie - Heart (1976)
40. Houses of the Holy - Led Zeppelin (1973)
39. Superunknown - Soundgarden (1994)
38. Ride the Lightning - Metallica (1984)
37. Damaged - Black Flag (1982)
36. Never Mind the Bullocks, Here's the Sex Pistols - The Sex Pistols (1977)
35. Highway to Hell - AC/DC (1979)
34. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap - AC/DC (1976)
33. The Clash - The Clash (1977)
32. Disraeli Gears - Cream (1966)
31. Holy Diver - Dio (1982)
30. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness - Smashing Pumpkins (1995)
29. Truth - Jeff Beck (1968)
28. Physical Graffiti - Led Zeppelin (1976)
27. Toys in the Attic - Aerosmith (1976)
26. Badmotorfinger - Soundgarden (1991)
25. Vincebus Eruptum - Blue Cheer (1968)
24. Moving Pictures - Rush (1981)
23. Machine Head - Deep Purple (1972)
22. Blizzard of Ozz - Ozzy Osbourne (1980)
21. Court of the Crimson King - King Crimson (1969)
20. A Night at the Opera - Queen (1975)
19. Aqualung - Jethro Tull (1971)
18. Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine (1992)
17. Boston - Boston (1976)
16. Ten - Pearl Jam (1991)
15. Pyromania - Def Leppard (1983)
14. Raw Power - The Stooges (1973)
13. Nevermind - Nirvana (1991)
12. Led Zeppelin IV - Led Zeppelin (1971)
11. Van Halen - Van Halen (1978)
10. Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden (1982)
9. Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin (1969)
8. Master of Puppets - Metallica (1986)
7. Who's Next? - The Who (1971)
6. Back in Black - AC/DC (1980)
5. Led Zeppelin II - Led Zeppelin (1969)
4. Appetite for Destruction - Guns N Roses (1987)
3. Paranoid - Black Sabbath (1970)
2. The Wall - Pink Floyd (1979)
1. Are You Experienced? - Jimi Hendrix (1967)
Defining "hard rock" is not too difficult of a task, as anything that's loud and hard and rock is hard rock.
Defining a good album is not as easy of a task and picking 100 out of several hundred that come to mind is very hard. I will try to make the list as diverse as possible by not allowing any seniority for any band or album to influence it's ranking and limit the number of albums per artist. Also, I will try to be as objective as possible and limit the influence of my personal taste. This means Metallica, Guns N Roses and Def Leppard will be on the list.
100. Gretchen Goes to Nebraska- King's X (1989)
99. Never Turn Your Back On A Friend - Budgie (1973)
98. Burn My Eyes - Machine Head (1994)
97. Bricks are Heavy - L7 (1993)
96. Stay Hungry - Twisted Sister (1984)
95. Operation: Mindcrime - Queensryche (1988)
94. Desolation Boulevard - Sweet (1971)
93. James Gang Rides Again - James Gang (1970)
92. Tyranny and Mutation - Blue Oyster Cult (1972)
91. Eliminator - Z.Z. Top (1983)
90. Album - Joan Jett (1983)
89. Vulgar Display of Power - Pantera (1992)
88. Love It To Death - Alice Cooper (1971)
87. Frances the Mute - The Mars Volta (2005)
86. Psalm 69 - Ministry (1992)
85. Cocked and Loaded - L.A. Guns (1989)
84. Cheap Thrills - Big Brother and the Holding Company (1968)
83. Aenima - Tool (1996)
82. Suzi Quatro - Suzi Quatro (1973)
81. Lullabies to Paralyze - Queens of the Stone Age (2005)
80. Strange Days - The Doors (1967)
79. Atomizer - Big Black (1986)
78. High Voltage - AC/DC (1976)
77. Master of Reality - Black Sabbath (1972)
76. Houdini - The Melvins (1993)
75. Balls to the Wall - Accept (1986)
74. Pretty Hate Machine - Nine Inch Nails (1989)
73. Slippery When Wet - Bon Jovi (1986)
72. Vitalogy - Pearl Jam (1994)
71. Antichrist Superstar - Marilyn Manson (1995)
70. Hysteria - Def Leppard (1987)
69. They Only Come Out at Night - Edgar Winter Group (1972)
68. All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople (1972)
67. Whitesnake - Whitesnake (1987)
66. Fun House - The Stooges (1970)
65. Destroyer - Kiss (1976)
64. Blood Sugar Sex Magik - Red Hot Chili Peppers (1991)
63. Rust in Peace - Megadeth (1992)
62. Among the Living- Anthrax (1987)
61. Heaven and Hell - Black Sabbath (1981)
60. 1984 - Van Halen (1984)
59. Pearl - Janis Joplin (1970)
58. Bat Out of Hell - Meat Loaf (1977)
57. Diary of a Madman - Ozzy Osbourne (1981)
56. Demons and Wizards - Uriah Heep (1972)
55. Reign in Blood - Slayer (1986)
54. In Utero - Nirvana (1993)
53. Jailbreak - Thin Lizzy (1976)
52. Dookie - Green Day (1994)
51. Sheer Heart Attack - Queen (1974)
50. Bad Co. - Bad Company (1975)
49. Secret Treaties - Blue Oyster Cult (1974)
48. Spiderland - Slint (1991)
47. Day Dream Nation - Sonic Youth (1988)
46. Piper at the Gates of Dawn - Pink Floyd (1967)
45. Kill 'em All - Metallica (1983)
44. Dirt - Alice in Chains (1992)
43. Dr. Feelgood - Motley Crue (1989)
42. Elephant - The White Stripes (2004)
41. Dreamboat Annie - Heart (1976)
40. Houses of the Holy - Led Zeppelin (1973)
39. Superunknown - Soundgarden (1994)
38. Ride the Lightning - Metallica (1984)
37. Damaged - Black Flag (1982)
36. Never Mind the Bullocks, Here's the Sex Pistols - The Sex Pistols (1977)
35. Highway to Hell - AC/DC (1979)
34. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap - AC/DC (1976)
33. The Clash - The Clash (1977)
32. Disraeli Gears - Cream (1966)
31. Holy Diver - Dio (1982)
30. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness - Smashing Pumpkins (1995)
29. Truth - Jeff Beck (1968)
28. Physical Graffiti - Led Zeppelin (1976)
27. Toys in the Attic - Aerosmith (1976)
26. Badmotorfinger - Soundgarden (1991)
25. Vincebus Eruptum - Blue Cheer (1968)
24. Moving Pictures - Rush (1981)
23. Machine Head - Deep Purple (1972)
22. Blizzard of Ozz - Ozzy Osbourne (1980)
21. Court of the Crimson King - King Crimson (1969)
20. A Night at the Opera - Queen (1975)
19. Aqualung - Jethro Tull (1971)
18. Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine (1992)
17. Boston - Boston (1976)
16. Ten - Pearl Jam (1991)
15. Pyromania - Def Leppard (1983)
14. Raw Power - The Stooges (1973)
13. Nevermind - Nirvana (1991)
12. Led Zeppelin IV - Led Zeppelin (1971)
11. Van Halen - Van Halen (1978)
10. Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden (1982)
9. Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin (1969)
8. Master of Puppets - Metallica (1986)
7. Who's Next? - The Who (1971)
6. Back in Black - AC/DC (1980)
5. Led Zeppelin II - Led Zeppelin (1969)
4. Appetite for Destruction - Guns N Roses (1987)
3. Paranoid - Black Sabbath (1970)
2. The Wall - Pink Floyd (1979)
1. Are You Experienced? - Jimi Hendrix (1967)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Only Movie I Care to See in 2009
2007 was a hopeful year on many fronts. I moved out of an oppressive house where my roommates smoked pot incessantly and hogged the television and still expected me to chip in for the cable. I moved into a community house where I had lived the previous year with a really fun and caring group of people who shared my values.
I got to see Grindhouse with all my favorite people, three times, the first time on my birthday. I was pleased by both movies and the fake trailers.
I spent the entire summer working at a Christian camp teaching kids about Jesus and how to shoot guns and bows. I also met 6 of my favorite people in the entire world: Jon Ault, Ben Prothe, Ben Guiles, Eric Anderson, Beezer and Tyler Crumrine.
I then began my fifth and final year of college the following fall and found a really great deal on rent in Kent with 3 cool guys. Then the Oscar movies came out. No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Into the Wild, Michael Clayton, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, all good movies.
In 2008, however, the Oscar fodder was not as impressive or deserving of the recognition. Slumdog Millionaire does not appeal to me in the slightest way. The only nominee that I am remotely interested in is The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei. Rourke is an amazing actor, an icon in my eyes, and Marisa Tomei is gorgeous. I'm not particularly interested in the story, but I have a feeling I'll like it if I give it a chance.
As far as 2009 movies go, there is only one that I am looking forward to: The Watchmen.
I intend on seeing it on opening day and hopefully a few times so that I see it with all of my best friends, even if it takes more than one trip to do so, like with Grindhouse. I worry, though, much as I did with Grindhouse, that it might not be as good as it looks. As a matter of fact, it will either be epically perfect (a five star movie) or a huge disappointment (3-stars or lower). Even if it is half-way decent, that will not be good enough. The greatest graphic novel in the history of graphic novels deserves to be made into a perfect movie.
I am genuinely worried that it will not be as good as it needs to be in order to justify the story being put into the film medium. My first concern is the director, Zack Snyder. He has the Dawn of the Dead bastardized remake under his belt along with 300, which was not as disappointing but disappointing nonetheless.
My second concern is the history of comics being transferred into films. To date, nearly every comic book movie has been complete garbage or at the very best a failure of justice to its source, even if it was well acted and directed. The only exceptions I can think of off hand are Batman, The Dark Knight, Iron-Man, V for Vendetta, Mystery Men (don't hate), Sin City and the first Ninja Turtles movie (which is underrated). I guess I should say superhero movies, instead of comic book movies, as many non-superhero graphic novels have been made into decent movies, such as Ghost World. But there is something about superheroes and the mythopoeia behind them that makes them hard to put onto the silver screen in a way that respects both the film medium and the subject matter.
If The Watchmen is not a perfect movie, it will be, in both my mind and I imagine in the minds of many others, a bad movie. Period. The film rights to the story were bought by 20th Century Fox almost as soon as the graphic novels were released in 1986, which means they had 22 years to conceive the perfect adaptation of the series. That's a very long time for refinement, but it's also a lot of time for it to get totally fucked up too.
It took Hollywood 13 years to get One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest produced and frankly, as a fan of the book, I can't say the movie is a good representation of the story. As a matter of fact, I believe that the fact it took so long for the movie to be made and that the story was '70s-ized by the film kept it from being as powerful as the book. I just hope that what makes The Watchmen what it is as a graphic novel were not lost over the years and in translation to film as they were with Cuckoo's Nest.
My hopefulness for the movie is a tempered one. I can only hope that my enthusiasm can be let wild after seeing it. Especially since it's the only movie I have any anticipation for until next year.
I got to see Grindhouse with all my favorite people, three times, the first time on my birthday. I was pleased by both movies and the fake trailers.
I spent the entire summer working at a Christian camp teaching kids about Jesus and how to shoot guns and bows. I also met 6 of my favorite people in the entire world: Jon Ault, Ben Prothe, Ben Guiles, Eric Anderson, Beezer and Tyler Crumrine.
I then began my fifth and final year of college the following fall and found a really great deal on rent in Kent with 3 cool guys. Then the Oscar movies came out. No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Into the Wild, Michael Clayton, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, all good movies.
In 2008, however, the Oscar fodder was not as impressive or deserving of the recognition. Slumdog Millionaire does not appeal to me in the slightest way. The only nominee that I am remotely interested in is The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei. Rourke is an amazing actor, an icon in my eyes, and Marisa Tomei is gorgeous. I'm not particularly interested in the story, but I have a feeling I'll like it if I give it a chance.
As far as 2009 movies go, there is only one that I am looking forward to: The Watchmen.
I intend on seeing it on opening day and hopefully a few times so that I see it with all of my best friends, even if it takes more than one trip to do so, like with Grindhouse. I worry, though, much as I did with Grindhouse, that it might not be as good as it looks. As a matter of fact, it will either be epically perfect (a five star movie) or a huge disappointment (3-stars or lower). Even if it is half-way decent, that will not be good enough. The greatest graphic novel in the history of graphic novels deserves to be made into a perfect movie.
I am genuinely worried that it will not be as good as it needs to be in order to justify the story being put into the film medium. My first concern is the director, Zack Snyder. He has the Dawn of the Dead bastardized remake under his belt along with 300, which was not as disappointing but disappointing nonetheless.
My second concern is the history of comics being transferred into films. To date, nearly every comic book movie has been complete garbage or at the very best a failure of justice to its source, even if it was well acted and directed. The only exceptions I can think of off hand are Batman, The Dark Knight, Iron-Man, V for Vendetta, Mystery Men (don't hate), Sin City and the first Ninja Turtles movie (which is underrated). I guess I should say superhero movies, instead of comic book movies, as many non-superhero graphic novels have been made into decent movies, such as Ghost World. But there is something about superheroes and the mythopoeia behind them that makes them hard to put onto the silver screen in a way that respects both the film medium and the subject matter.
If The Watchmen is not a perfect movie, it will be, in both my mind and I imagine in the minds of many others, a bad movie. Period. The film rights to the story were bought by 20th Century Fox almost as soon as the graphic novels were released in 1986, which means they had 22 years to conceive the perfect adaptation of the series. That's a very long time for refinement, but it's also a lot of time for it to get totally fucked up too.
It took Hollywood 13 years to get One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest produced and frankly, as a fan of the book, I can't say the movie is a good representation of the story. As a matter of fact, I believe that the fact it took so long for the movie to be made and that the story was '70s-ized by the film kept it from being as powerful as the book. I just hope that what makes The Watchmen what it is as a graphic novel were not lost over the years and in translation to film as they were with Cuckoo's Nest.
My hopefulness for the movie is a tempered one. I can only hope that my enthusiasm can be let wild after seeing it. Especially since it's the only movie I have any anticipation for until next year.
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